“As long as you keep going, you’ll keep getting better. And as you get better, you gain more confidence. That alone is success.”
Tamara Taylor
A potato, an egg, and coffee beans. Each were placed in a pot of boiling water to sit for the next 20 minutes. After the allotted time, each reacted differently to the boiling water: the potato became soft and weak after coming as initially as hard and unrelenting; the fragile egg eventually became a hard-boiled egg after sitting in the water; but the coffee beans transformed the boiling water into delicious coffee with a rich aroma. I learned that the boiling water represented adversity while the potato, egg, and coffee beans represented different types of people. Their outcomes are how different people react to adversity; some become weaker, others develop hardened hearts, and still others transform their adversity into victory. As a child, I was a potato. As a teenager, I was an egg. But today, I want to be a coffee bean.
As a child, I was very shy. It could partly be blamed on the fact that I lived in a neighborhood where kids were always just stuck at home, or on the fact that I am an introvert. Either way, I had a hard time expressing myself confidently. I wasn’t one of those people who easily made friends and who was usually loud in the classroom. It always made me nervous to present in front of the class. The simple challenges that I was facing back then didn’t help me grow. But I always aspired that someday, I’ll eventually get out of my comfort zone and become more confident about myself. However, my self-esteem would eventually take a dip during one of the darkest moments of my life.
Cancer. One week after another, I was either at home, or lying in bed in the sickly, white hospital room. It almost felt like yesterday that I was enthusiastically talking to my friends about what prom will be like and how will our next 3 years in high school be. In a flash, all my hopes and aspirations came crumbling down. I have never felt so weak and helpless in my life. There came a point where everyday, I would constantly compare myself to teenagers like me either online or when my family and I would visit the mall. It’s hard not to feel insecure when you’re bald, thin, and feeble. These instances eventually led to depression. Every morning I would wake up and feel so heavy inside. Negative thoughts would always intrude my mind, and I felt so helpless because I can’t control it. I felt numb, almost ready to give up on life. That is, until a ray of hope entered my life.
Friends. Because I always had my family by my side, I never thought that having friends mattered. But entering into a new school for the first time since I got sick. I was terrified – terrified of what others may think of me, of how I look, of making friends. On the first day of our class, we were asked to introduce ourselves. The thought scared me, but I wanted to create a good impression, and so I tried to appear as confident as possible to my classmates. It was through that one simple introduction that I slowly felt my fears disappear where I eventually met new people and even gained some friends. It was through my friends that I realized, somehow, that I mattered despite of my lack of social skills or how I looked like. Despite this considerable development in my life, I still had a lot to learn.
College. A place where independence is required, intelligence and diligence is an asset, and confidence is key. I managed to get by in high school because I was in a home study program, but this time, I am starting out anew in a regular school. It was almost exactly like how I was back in high school, except it seemed more terrifying now. I didn’t know where to go, who to approach, or what to say. It was difficult making friends the first time, but eventually, I learned to adjust to my environment, pick up important lessons in my subjects, and even find true friends along the way. I could never have imagined that my college life would be as memorable as it is now.
Looking back, I can say that I’ve come a long way from where I was back when I was a child. Before, I was terrified of presenting in front of class before; now, I present with as much confidence as I can muster in every class. Back then, I was afraid of how people thought of me or how good I can be in making friends; now, I always try to greet everyone I meet with kindness and respect no matter what they think of me. And finally, now, I have learned to believe in myself no matter what – no matter how many failures or mistakes I make – for a rainbow always comes after the rain.
GillsThoughts 